Chill.

I am in a line. Sitting in the library around people of which I would like to read feelings. It feels often stupid to be so much caring for terroristic attacks happening in Europe, while when this happens in Africa nobody is really touched. But I find it normal, the closer we are to what happens the more we get affected. Being abroad makes you much used to cultural differences, sometimes you even stop to see them. Sometimes you forget where your mate comes from, since you are so used to see the similarities you both have instead of the differences in behaviors. But at the same time, especially if you are European, you feel part of something big, you strengthen your belong to some kind of nation. Yesterday they were saying this about the erasmus students who did not survive the bus accident in Spain. Seven of thirteen were Italians, impossible not to be involved emotionally.

The worst is that we are getting used to it. We do not cry. We stay in silence. We lost hope completely. We are probably accepting we will have to live with this. I will not write that we have to fight, that we have to stay together, to show love. All this is just making us to calm, not being able to fight all this hate.

I cannot read faces when I am among Swedish people. As a cultural fact, they do not show their feelings as we Italians do, and this is sometimes kind of a difficulty for me. But I am sure they are thinking much about what happened. Today when I got on some busses every driver had turned the radio on, tuning on news about the attacks.

When you are abroad all the feelings feel strange. I lost an uncle during last semester abroad. I cannot explain how bad it felt. It was very hard not to have someone hugging you as you would, but also not having someone as sad as you are. I dressed in  black the day after which really made me feel better, closer to what had happened. In Italy you do this to show your sorrow, here I learned to do it for myself.

I do not know what will happen tomorrow, we do not know if our plans are right to be done, if being abroad is the right thing, if it is right to feel our safe so extremely safe day by day. I will fly to Rome tomorrow and stay for a while until the start of April. Cannot explain how much I look forward to cross that door tomorrow night.

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